I think that at times we feel that we are the only people who suffer the way we do. It is not until we take ourselves out of our lives and see how we act in the eyes of others that we see that people may be feeling the same way we do. Once we are able to look at how we act, we see that many times we are misunderstood and our actions misjudged. I have had this happen to me recently and it has driven me to thinking of how I act.
I have anxiety, and often times have a hard time expressing how I am feeling through my actions. So I sit there in my own little agony and try to get through it. I had not stopped to think how this may appear to others around me. The other day I was in a social setting and I noticed a guy who was sitting not too far from me, he appeared to be fidgety and just looked like he did not want to be there. I discreetly watched him as he struggled and then got up to leave. I thought to myself that there had to be something wrong so I got up to follow him. When we got outside he turned and looked at me with a confused expression on his face. I then asked him if everything was ok. He told me that he just needed to leave. I randomly blurted out and said, “Sometimes I get overwhelmed in large groups and just leave because the setting makes me anxious”. I immediately felt dumb for saying that and started trying to explain myself, letting him know that I was not implying anything by that. He cut me off and said that was exactly why he got up to leave. I stood there dumbfounded and just looked at him. He then asked me how I knew that he was uncomfortable. I told him that I could tell he was not comfortable because I could see it in his face and empathize with that feeling. We talked for the rest of the social event outside and we both felt better afterward.
As I sit here and think about what I saw in him I realized that is how I look to other people when I am feeling anxiety. It appears on the outside that I am in agony. It can also come across as being stand offish or showing disinterest. I am going to try to work on expressing myself in a more efficient manner in the future. But I am glad for this eye opening experience and have to thank God that he lead me to talk to another person who suffers as I do. I think that it will make it easier for my friend and I to feel better about being there in the future. Today I thank God for still small voices that guide us in the right direction.
